Know Your Money with Bronwyn Waner and Craig Finch
Know Your Money with Bronwyn Waner and Craig Finch
94. Unlocking Subconscious Wealth Barriers
Discover the transformative power of Family Constellations as we welcome the insightful Richard Higgins to our show. What if the financial decisions you make are rooted in subconscious patterns passed down through generations? Brace yourself for a captivating journey into the world of Family Constellations, a concept introduced by Bert Hellinger, dissecting how these hidden influences shape our lives. With insights from figures like Bruce Lipton, we delve into the role of epigenetics and the energy dynamics within family systems that impact everything from career choices to money management. Our conversation promises to illuminate the unseen forces at play and offers a pathway to reclaiming control over your financial destiny.
As we explore further, Richard takes us through the intricate dance of overcoming generational wealth patterns, shedding light on how subconscious beliefs can lead to self-sabotage. Imagine fearing success because it means surpassing a parent's achievements—this is just one of the many ways inherited patterns hold us back. We also touch on fascinating concepts like "anniversary entanglements," where life's major shifts mirror family history. Richard doesn't just identify the problem; he provides practical strategies for rewriting your financial blueprint. If you're ready to transform your approach to wealth and relationships, this episode is your guide to achieving a more balanced, fulfilling life.
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Welcome to Know your Money, where we will explore our relationship with money and how the psychology of it impacts our financial decisions, as everyone thinks about money differently. In our podcast, we'll be presenting a variety of financial topics in an easy to understand way, which we hope will assist you with managing your money.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody. Welcome to Know your Money. Just Warren today. How are you?
Speaker 3:Hello Bronwyn, how are you? I'm very well. Thank you, Even me.
Speaker 2:Craig away.
Speaker 3:Craig lazy. Well, we are doing this on a holiday, so Craig's probably Craig lazy.
Speaker 2:Well, we are doing this on a holiday, so Craig's probably playing golf yeah, could be, but luckily we have a guest today in the studio and our guest is Richard Higgins.
Speaker 4:Higgins, yeah.
Speaker 2:Higgins.
Speaker 4:As in Henry Higgins for the older generation.
Speaker 2:Okay, richard Higgins yeah, higgins, as in Henry Higgins for the older generation. Okay, richard Higgins. And Richard is joining us today to talk about a concept called family constellations. Do you know what that is, warren?
Speaker 3:No, please describe it, richard, and welcome.
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely welcome. How are you, richard?
Speaker 4:Thank you good, I'm happy to be in a sunny Joburg, having left the stormy Cape with lightning and thunder last night, believe it or not. Sure, so it's pretty hectic down there.
Speaker 3:I heard they even had flooding earlier in the year.
Speaker 4:Oh no, they were very, very wet, so enjoying the sun. Yes A little bit dry up here, but otherwise nice. I always like the people in Jeroboog anyway, any excuse to come up here and have a chat, exactly.
Speaker 3:So what is Family Constellations?
Speaker 4:Good. So in the 20 years I've been working with it, I remain terrified of that question because it is quite complicated and complex to define in a nutshell and I always want to do justice to it. So I will attempt again, because it's a bit of a misnomer. You know, when people hear family constellations they say is it about the stars and what is it? Is it family therapy? Does my whole family have to come, and all that.
Speaker 4:So the name was adopted by two American therapists family therapists, who stumbled upon this and realized that there's a specific structure to how the energy within a family system works, who belongs where and what the hierarchy is, and introduced it to a German psychotherapist called Bert Hellinger, who then has spent the last 40 years refining it and developing it. So he was stuck with the name. But it's part of systems theory. You get systems theories in all areas of life and this is systems theory as it relates to the family. So the basic idea is we kind of think we're autonomous, we think we're making our own decisions. You know, we kind of might even think we're the center of the universe and we can create our own reality, and we you know all these buzzwords that are around at the moment, but the truth is that we are intricately linked to our family of origin, whether we like them or know them or not, whether they're alive or dead or not.
Speaker 3:So family origin, are you talking first generation family or this.
Speaker 4:Well, that's a good question. This work actually goes back seven generations.
Speaker 3:Interesting.
Speaker 4:So, in a nutshell, 10%, according to sort of more traditional research. 10% of your choices are consciously driven. 90% are subconsciously driven. The latest research with people like Bruce Lipton, you know, joe Dispenza, these people reckon it's even less. 3% to 5% is conscious, the balanced subconscious. So that means the subconscious is actually driving the ship. All right, that's interesting. Excuse me.
Speaker 4:We want to know what's going on in the subconscious terrain there. Yes, because if that goes counter to what we're trying to achieve at our conscious level, it's a nine-to-one ratio that the subconscious is going to win out. Yes, so that's what we look for, and there's different ways of setting that up either in a group context or you can do it one-on-one with the person. How to reveal that subconscious terrain, that subconscious blueprint that sits in the family system, energetically in the family system, and you can see how it differs from what would be a healthy blueprint for the energy to flow through that family system. You can see where the distortions come in.
Speaker 4:Yes, and then you can maneuver, rewrite that blueprint at the subconscious level. That's the technique, that's the modality, so that a new blueprint is repeated at the surface level. It's pretty much like DNA copying and making RNA right. Yes, you can only repeat what's been done before your DNA copies itself. This is the same. If you've got a blueprint that has a certain belief in it and we'll talk about those surrounding related to money specifically, and career and that sort of thing the same pattern is going to come up and I'm sure you'll notice the same patterns happening in our lives and other people's lives. And how do we break that cycle? Or we take a deep dive and we rewrite the blueprint. That's interesting.
Speaker 3:Sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2:There, you go?
Speaker 3:What about? There's obviously more information now, but the idea of epigenetics? Yes very linked which, if you're going back ten generations, seven generations, that will also play a part, won't it? Yeah, you have stories of you know families with a lot of military history, yeah, and how they. It's not just the fact that your grandfather was in the military, your father was in the military. You're almost sorry, you're almost encoded to be in the military.
Speaker 2:That's part of who you are to serve and protect and you might subconsciously be doing that in a certain way, in a military way, to your children, to your spouse, without realizing that it's impacting them.
Speaker 3:And yeah, so I mean genetics is, as they learn more and more about it, it's fascinating really.
Speaker 4:And it's interesting. I'm very excited about epigenetics and of course you know Dr Bruce Lipton's, the big name, who sort of brought that into the collective, because it was believed that we carried all these patterns in our genes. Originally right, but once they decoded the whole genetic structure they realized, whoops, there's tens of thousands of other things that people do that aren't identifiable in the gene expression. So epi means outside, of beyond. So epigenetics, what's outside the genes, All right. And different people believe different things.
Speaker 4:Some of the more alternative people believe that it's a very small percentage of predispositions that's actually carried genetically, especially medical things.
Speaker 4:You know, three to five percent are actually genetic flaws or you know, but it's carried in the cells, all right, so the cells can literally be programmed. So your attitude is Response to what's happening in the outside world creates an emotional response in you. That emotional response has a chemical equivalent, all right, instructs certain enzymes and proteins and things to do their thing at a genetic level. So for instance, to give you a simple example, you hear people say you know, oh, it gave me a fright and I was chilled to my bones, I was terrified to my bones, I was terrified to my bones. So we know, we've got all these sayings that signify that the body is picking up these signals. So the cells have got receptor sites on them, so they can really literally, at a physical level, be docked with fear or hate or anger, or the biological equivalent of these emotional frequencies. That's translated into a biological expression, and Bruce Lipton has laid this out very clearly. It's not woo-woo stuff. Your thoughts and your emotions impact on your physiology.
Speaker 3:Have you heard of the Japanese scientist who did the experiment with ice or the water?
Speaker 4:Water, masaru Moto, yeah.
Speaker 3:I thought have you heard about this Fascinating?
Speaker 2:Writing.
Speaker 3:I love you on the jar. I think was one of them. Hate.
Speaker 2:And playing music, to different types of music and the crystalline structure that formed being vastly different.
Speaker 4:The hidden messages in water. He called it. Yes, I looked into it years ago and I programmed my water. Since then on, I've always labeled it with love and gratitude were the two most beautiful crystals.
Speaker 3:Yes, so I put that on my water bottles. Okay, and if we?
Speaker 4:go back to Bron, the subconscious part of it.
Speaker 3:Yes, so I put that on my water bottles, okay, and if we go back to Bron, the subconscious part of it, obviously, if your decision-making is call it 5% I think you rested around there, didn't you? Yeah, so you're consciously making decisions for your financial future 5% of the time.
Speaker 2:I think so and I think people think that it is more than it potentially is. But say, for example I feel like in South Africa there's quite a few people that the generation before them didn't do very well financially, for example, and now they have made it financially, for example, and now they have made it financially. But what things are like sabotaging their success or their marriage or their relationship from those past generational things like how you were talking about the military? There's certain things that there could be patterns there that could need clearing or a new way of of looking at things and changing your beliefs. Because if you believe like I am an abandoned person and you come from a scarcity family that's that 5% belief you may keep losing that money or you may not have everything because it's only 5% that is believing in that.
Speaker 2:So this is where I feel this type of work is so important for clients to do to make that change.
Speaker 3:Because, even though you may consciously be believing you have abundance or you deserve abundance, there's a big part of you which is part of a pre-programming which is working. Like you said, on the copying DNA copying you know copy and paste.
Speaker 2:Can you give us an example of like someone that Sure I?
Speaker 4:mean you've probably brought up the most important aspect of this right, because if you think back, you know I've been exploring this stuff for 50 years and you know watched how it's progressed. I mean affirmations were big when I was younger in the 70s and even 80s, right.
Speaker 4:So you'd put it up there I want to be healthy, wealthy and wise and be on your mirror and all that, right. And I went to Red Ferrari and you could have vision boards and all this stuff. And then you look around and all these people are using affirmations and that, but they're kind of not getting there right, even with, like, when the secret came out, the law of attraction and all of these things, all right, everything's got truth in it. So I'm not purping it, all right, but sometimes it's not the full truth. So you could do affirmations and vision boards and all those things until the cars come home, because it's essentially coming from your thought, your idea, your belief, which is the mental, the 5% right.
Speaker 4:So let's take a hypothetical right. A man says I want to be wealthy, all right, I'm going to work hard, I'm going to be abundant, and he does that and he works hard and at the subconscious level, there's a part of him that says if I get too wealthy, if I'm more successful than my dad, I'm going to shame him, I'm going to embarrass him. Now, he doesn't know. That's a subconscious belief, all right, and this is a literal one. I've had many, many times he will be successful, and then it's like he'll pull the rug out from it. He'll start snorting or gambling it, or there'll be a hostile takeover or….
Speaker 2:He'll just lose everything.
Speaker 4:He'll just lose everything by seemingly some unexpected means.
Speaker 3:Or maybe self-sabotage yeah.
Speaker 4:That's what it looks like on the surface a self-sabotage, because it's literally the subconscious saying oh, you can't do that. Hellinger who developed this. One of the things he said was it's very seldom that a man will allow himself to be more successful than his father. It's the exceptional man that pushes through that ceiling. Now, I know this because I'm one of three brothers and I've watched my brother's career and mine and I've watched my brother's career and mine and I've seen them both hit that ceiling to match my father's level of abundance and, not to like, push right through it.
Speaker 4:So fortunately I knew that and I could push through that. But it's a very big pattern. Most of the men who come to see me is relationship and business and a lot of their business patterns. We start working with their father because whatever happened with their father will have a direct impact on them. So that's just one. You get others.
Speaker 2:Am I right in saying sorry, just sticking on that pattern, that they may break through that wall and have the success but then not have the marriage and not have the other things because it's a sacrifice? Like, do some of them feel like that, Like well, if I can have the money, then I'm not allowed to have the family? Can that happen sometimes?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm sure it can, because I'm sure that's a theme that's come up a lot in your chats here is how to balance our lives. All right, I think that would be slightly different from the way we approach work right, because even though the patterns are very identifiable, each client you work with is very bespoke. All right, you know, there's in TV day. My TV days used to say there's only seven scripts, right for everyone. But there's so many variations on those same scripts so you don't prescribe things. So, for instance, you might get a man who's really successful but his family lost everything in the Second World War. They had to flee Germany or one of the Eastern European countries and then they fled when, say, dad was 40. Then you find this man's really successful in his 30s and then at 40, weirdly, things start going belly up, just like it's been flipped. So we call those anniversary entanglements.
Speaker 4:The term entanglement is often used if a man is entangled with his father what happened to his father's career and how it affects him. It's like a quantum entanglement. When it happens at the same age or sometimes on the same date, we call it an anniversary entanglement. And it's quite fascinating that it should happen at the same date. We call it an anniversary entanglement. It's quite fascinating that it should happen at the same age.
Speaker 4:You definitely see these patterns repeating transgenerationally Up to seven generations back, but we very seldom go that far back. There's enough work to be done with our father and our grandfather so it can be an entanglement with the father. The father lost his millions or whatever. Or it can be the grandfather. The grandfather fled you know a genocide somewhere and he's entangled with the grandfather. You know. That's why we have to look at a chance generationally. And then you get the opposite, because that's if it's an entanglement. But you get other sorts of patterns, like if the dad grew up in poverty, there's a subconscious belief that the person might hell. That Not a hell. No way am I going to ever be poor like my dad. And then you get this amplified drive to be successful.
Speaker 3:That you kind of can't switch off. That's what my father has. That's my father. Yeah, he grew up dirt poor and he knew he would not end up like his father.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and it's also happening at the subconscious level. You say to these people why don't you get some balance in your life? Take a holiday, you're a workaholic. And they say yes, yes, I'll do it. And then somehow they don't. And when you set up a constellation and have a look at it, it's like his mission in life. Do you know what I mean? And he can't let go of his mission. At the subconscious level, he doesn't realize he's doing it, he thinks he's been reasonable, all right, but that's tantamount to death if I don't succeed and make money, because then I'm going to be like my dad and I saw how that affected my mom and my sisters and me. Nowhere is that going to happen. And remember, if it's a nine-to-one ratio, that one is going to win out. So you can do all the chatting and structures and models of things of how to apportion your time in a more healthy way.
Speaker 4:You're up against the subconscious, which might say no ways, because I'm dishonoring my dad if I do that.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and that's a part of my work, I think we meet with people and say you can afford to take more holidays, you can do certain things and showing them that they are going to financially be okay. They just can't. They can't stop working, or they you know the opposite. They can't get themselves out of debt. And I think it's because there's these underlying beliefs, like is there anything you could think of? Like sitting here?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, for a long time I undercharged and despite knowing consciously that I should be charging more, I always felt wrong doing it.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And you often said to me, bron, that it was knowing my value, and it's hard to sort of what's the word for it. Amalgamate that in your head of like well, I do know my value, but why can't I charge people more? Why do I keep putting my quotes too low? I do know I'm valuable, I do know I have worth, I have no lack of self-worth, so why do I charge? And this must be part of this, because Very much so.
Speaker 4:That's quite a big pattern, and one I also experienced as well. Right, and the way to think about this is to think of subconscious loyalties and what might those look like. So if you think of our parents and grandparents right, they couldn't do what we do now. Focus on our healing and personal growth, and that they're trying to survive the pogroms, the first world war, the second world war, the depression the apartheid, all these things.
Speaker 4:It's putting a roof over the head. So there was a different mindset, right? If you've got enough, if you've got a job and you're able to have two weeks holiday, you know, and get a bonus in December. That was it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're living.
Speaker 4:So, at the subconscious level, if that's where you've come from, if that's what sits energetically in the family system, then that has the potential for you to subconsciously be holding that same belief. Why do you need more than enough? All right, it's very true.
Speaker 3:It's very true.
Speaker 4:And you just keep pulling the reins on it. That's subconsciously owning dad, and he might have said things why do you need more than enough? Why do you need a second car, a second house, and we don't need more than enough. Why do you need a second car? You know a second house and we don't need more than what we need. You know. And that can be limiting at the subconscious level, but the beauty of it is you're honoring your dad by doing this. You see, because these subconscious patterns are always about love. The only reason a person holds on to them is because love and loyalty to someone in the family system, it has a hell of a destructive outcome at the surface. But when you go down to it, you see, if I was to give it a wording, dad, I love you so much that I'm also going to be a modest man because I love you and I want to model myself on you.
Speaker 3:So my dad did very well financially but my grandfather was a modest man and he was very special to me. You know my dad's like my best friend he really is but my grandfather was just very special to me as a young man and I think that what you're saying makes sense, because my grandfather was a plumber, worked for the Durban Corporation, just wanted a simple life with a family and that's exactly what he had and you know know he obviously was not in any shape or form obsessed with money you see, if you have a strong bond with someone like your grandfather, if he's a strong love bond, there's a very strong potential for you to emulate the subconscious liver because you're honoring him.
Speaker 4:But your dad, on the other hand, broke through. You know his dad's limitation.
Speaker 5:So you see, how you call it a leapfrog, you know thing.
Speaker 4:You don't necessarily get entangled one generation back. You get this leapfrog effect. You know where you can be entangled.
Speaker 3:I think it's very interesting.
Speaker 4:I'd like to give you an example which might help listeners understand what an entanglement is like in a more tangible way. You know, if it's sounding a bit obscure it's not related to finances, but it gives you an idea, right? A couple of years ago a Jewish client came to see me and she got late-onset asthma. And it was quite surprising because it's usually a childhood disease and usually it clears up right. And we did a constellation, which is the technique we do, and we went up her female line, because females tend to carry the female traumas and males the males right. And we connected with her grandmother who had been gassed in Auschwitz, so obviously she was asphyxiated.
Speaker 4:So this granddaughter or great-granddaughter, I can't remember, was literally carrying the same symptoms. So we disconnected that you know to say that's what you do. You leave it with them because they don't want us to carry their stuff. That's the irony. We're carrying it full up. I love you so much, grandma. You paid a high price, you were sacrificed. Let me prove my love by manifesting the same symptom as you, if I was to verbalize it right. And then, before she said it, I said do you know what her date of birth was, by any chance? And she'd done her genealogy. She said I know exactly. So I had a look, because I'm a numerologist as well, and I said let's look at her date of birth and what age do you think her grandmother died at.
Speaker 2:The same age she got asthma 36, yeah.
Speaker 4:Jeez, right, so it's an anniversary entanglement, you see, so the stuff is real. When you see this everyday, you know these underground patterns and the way we are honoring. I had another lady who was thin like a rake and they thought she had anorexia, but she was eating three meals a day. She went to doctors, she went to psychologists. Psychologists referred to me. We went up the female line again. They came from here in the Western Transvaal somewhere and her great-aunt or great-great-aunt had died of starvation or malnutrition and she was entangled with that. It's crazy.
Speaker 4:We just connected and then her weight came back to normal slowly. So that's how real it is. So for us men, our relationship with our dad, those same patterns come up and we repeat them in our careers and in our relationships.
Speaker 3:And, I suppose, in your decision-making with regards to your financial future.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It must be yeah.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Richard. That was really insightful and we look forward to maybe having you on another one and we can chat a little bit further about different types of patterns.
Speaker 3:Thank you for joining.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Warren.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much, Richard. Very interesting Bye.
Speaker 5:Thank you for listening. If you have enjoyed this podcast and would like to subscribe, please visit our website wwwgrowthfpcoza. The information we have provided in this podcast is our personal opinion. For more detailed information, please discuss your financial situation with a financial planner.